Thursday, February 1, 2024

Mike Reviews Stuff: Wegmans Ready Made Meals

 

Shortly after Danny Wegman bought the White House.



What is a Wegmans?: Someone painted an Ikea brown and expanded the dining area just a touch further.

Owned By: Danny Wegman, the savior and downfall of Western New York.

Philosophy: You know how you can make a sandwich and soup for like three bucks, but then you get so disappointed because you still have money left over in your wallet? Wegmans found a solution to that problem.

Special Features: Yesterday's pizza, Yesterday's sandwich, Soup with lumps, Lumps with soup, Pretentious salad, Homeless man's Thanksgiving, Asian food made by a Caucasian. and an amazing sushi selection that forgives everything else

The Draw: The ultimate reward is you can go to bed saying, "I am not desperate enough to shop at Walmart." I think they have a badge now you can wear.

The Negatives: People starving in impoverished countries are watching you spend $13 for a few shrimp sprinkled over three leaves of spinach.

Competition: New York also has Tops, but that is like saying Toyota's greatest competitor is kids with wheelie shoes.

Make Sure to Check Out: Pretentious hippie drinks that combine fancy words like tea, green, kombucha, and vitamins. It's your Wonka Golden Ticket to the middle class. Also, the hot foods bar comes with a form so you can get a second mortgage on your house.

Every Smart Shopper Should Know: If you want to get a good deal, put glass shards in the salad and they will knock 2 bucks off the price.

Parents with Young Kids: Find creative ways to tell your kids that their birthday won't be that special because you chose to eat at the hot foods bar instead of getting them a gift.

Tagline: "I didn't go to Walmart. Give me a trophy!"

Review: 4 Mikes out of 5

Prayer Request: For the diverse family that needs a loan to celebrate their country's food prepared by an eighteen-year-old named Dwayne.

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